Gross.

It's early yet, but that's what today has been.

Gross.

Incredibly so.

J's nose is running something fierce and it's green and he licks it as toddlers so often do...my gag reflex has been tried several times this morning.

Someone gave the baby their empty squeeze yogurt and when I caught him, it was upside down and dripping all over the floor, mixing with his drool. Of course Willie the dog was trailing him and licking it all up and that made Baby I laugh so he started doing it on purpose and hitting the dog and then the dog would lick the yogurt and then lick the baby and it just got stickier from there.

The leftover mess in the kitchen from last night had something unbelievable OILY in it and after loading the dishwasher and scrubbing a few pans I still had no idea what it was they cooked and fed the kids last night. I know it probably raised each child's cholesteral a few points and that it took quite a few squirts of Palmolive to get it off the frying pan.

When I finally had that mess cleaned up T came down the stairs with her bedsheets in tow. It seems that R went into their room early this morning and had an accident which the family then continued to sleep in until about nine o'clock.

It took forever, but they finally got out the door to go to the pool and leave me happily alone with the sleeping baby.

The kitchen floor needed some attention, desperately.

The kids' play date yesterday had been rough on it and I haven't done anything to help it all weekend. I mopped and scrubbed away a few stains and then sat down in the play room to relax a bit.

The musical sounds of dog dry heaving interrupted my peace.

I almost yelled for him to get outside, but then he'd have to pass through my clean kitchen and I haven't yet mopped the playroom, so I'd rather he stay put. I stifled my reaction and waited.

He puked.

Yellow.

And chicken bones.

When it was over I thought for sure that I was going to be a copycat puker but after a few deep breaths in another room I recovered. I cleaned up the play room using half a roll of papertowels, plastic bags and my magical Green Works spray. Those people should be paying me for my support of their product.

And when I looked up at Willie after I finished with the floor he still had strings of drool and nastiness all over his face. I wiped him with a wad of papertowels bigger than the one I had used on the floor.

I AM NOT A DOG PERSON.

I let Willie out the side door, where a dead bird is waiting on the porch for E to bury it. I was just lucky enough to be the one to let the dog out this morning and discover the dead bird.

I told E and later T saw it as well.

Over lunch E said, "So are we drawing straws to see who's going to take care of the dead bird?"

His response was a few dirty looks from both T and me.

We will stop using the side porch before we handle the dead bird problem. Green snot, dog barf, baby diarhea, potting training J who likes to pee on the floor, scummy kitchen sinks and under-the-welcome-mat mildew are where I draw the line.

If they want me to clean up dead bird, I'm going to need a serious raise.

And some Tums.