This is the height of my stupidity. I hope.

Let me just tell you how dumb I am.

I had yesterday off, two Sundays in a row!! How about it?!

I met up with Nanny K for church, who is taking much less drawing out than I expected. I think my initial impression of her being so quiet and introverted was wrong. I think she was just feeling completely displaced and all she needed was a nudge toward a new niche and now she's out there and it's comfortable for her. From what I've seen in one week she's a zillion times happier than she was and she seems to be quite at home at Franklin Square.

I am so excited for her!

After church we grabbed a quick lunch and I stopped through town to pick up my brand new iPhone! (OH YEAH!) I fell in love with it immediately and I don't even care what my bill looks like, I never have to talk to T-mobile again and that is the happiest news any girl could ask for. I have service, I can actually call people whenever I want and HEAR WHAT THEY ARE SAYING.

And I can monitor Facebook 24/7 to more thoroughly stalk, well, everyone.

After all that I had plans to go visit a friend who just set up shop in New Jersey.

Ridgefield Park, to be exact.

She's right over the George Washington bridge, which puts her about 50 minutes from me. I missed the 3:50 train and spent an hour on the platform playing with my new phone. I caught the 4:50 and spent the 35 minutes on the LIRR playing with my new phone.

I played with my new phone as I walked through Penn Station but then I had to go outside to get to Port Authority so I put the phone away, wrapped a scarf around my face and cried like a little girl about how cold it was the whole way.

I didn't lose much time on my walk to Port Authority, I went to the NJ Transit line, got a ticket for a bus leaving in ten minutes, asked for a gate number and ran to it. I had NO idea which of the five doors at the gate number to go through so I pretended it was a game show and as I stood there working out the odds of getting a decent consolation prize behind door number three another girl came into the vestibule and I asked her which way to the bus going to Ridgefield Park.

She said to follow her, so I did, handed my ticket to the driver who tossed it into a pile without looking, and I boarded the bus. I thought maybe I should ask the driver exactly where the bus was going but he wasn't on the bus yet and he seemed busy. I wondered why exactly the NJT doesn't see fit to label their buses with a route number, but I knew that if my bus was numbered anything between 160 and 168 I would be ok and I was relatively certain it was.

It was.

But that ceased to matter.

I spent the entire trip playing with my new phone. When I looked up because someone sat down next to me I realized that I had no idea where I was. I asked him and he said we were in Ridgefield Park.

I asked him if he knew my stop and he said yes, it was coming.

I went back to playing with my phone.

A minute later he shrugged and smiled and said he didn't actually know.

I laughed out loud because that is TOTALLY something I would do. I thanked him and went to ask the driver, who barely spoke English and seemed more confused than I was.

"Ridgefield Park? You're on the wrong bus."

But I wasn't. Ok, I sort of was. Any of those 160-numbered buses go through Ridgefield Park. But the bus I was on didn't stop at the exact intersection that I was expecting. Still, I wasn't far from my destination so he gave me a transfer ticket and I got off and called my friend.

Now, let me take you back for a minute here.

When I left my house that morning I had a string of errands to run. I gathered the cash that T pays me in, and my cash Christmas present for my phone, and left the house to ride around on public transportation all day.

At the point when I got off the bus, after dark (I believe it was around or after 6), alone, lost in New Jersey, I had $700 in cash in my purse. I had a new phone that I was completely distracted by and I was wandering around looking for coffee.

And this isn't even the worst thing I would do that day.

Just wait.

I told Sam where I was, found coffee, called her again to tell her where I was since I walked a few blocks to get coffee, stood outside talking to my mom while a group of five men stared at me from the corner and finally met up with Sam.

We had a fun night, talking and eating and drinking and not paying any attention to the time until all of a sudden it was 11:30.

And I still had a bus ride, a walk, a train ride and a cab ride home.

And work in the morning.

Still, this is not my untelligence (it's a thing) acme.

Sam got me to the next bus, at 11:47, and I made it back into the city.

I bypassed a cab after swearing to myself I would not do that, and walked back to Penn Station, after midnight, with $700 in my purse.

I got into Penn right AFTER a train left. I had to wait for an hour.

Here's where it starts to really get bad.

My judgment and patience completely slipped away from me. The drunk, rowdy teens waiting at the big board for track announcements was getting under my skin. I was playing with phone, trying to find someone to text who was still up at that hour and cursing the day they invented delicious, delicious Chinese food when a man approached me for a dollar.

He was clearly not homeless, I believe he was looking for cash for a phone call or something, and normally I would not be so stingy, especially after my past experiences in Penn Station. But there was no way I was opening my wallet stuffed full of hundreds in front of anybody.

I told him I was sorry I couldn't help him and he continued on his way.

The teenagers got louder and I began to shoot them filthy, dirty looks.

A drunk couple stumbled within my personal bubble, the woman sinking to the floor as she inhaled a slice of pizza. A cluster of policemen wandered by, laughing at the drunks.

The man who needed a dollar asked me again. I nearly exploded.

I began downloading free apps at the speed of light, watching the clock on the big board, willing 1:09 to come so they would announce my track for the 1:19 train and I could get away from the stupid drunks and the man who can't seem to score a dollar.

I was considering going to the restroom to fish out a dollar to give him on his next round when FINALLY my track was announced.

I got a seat and played with my phone the whole way back.

I flew off the train at my stop and ran up the stairs to try to catch one of the cabs that are always waiting when trains come in.

The cold air and my overwhelming exhaustion stole what was left of my sanity and reason.

There was one cab, two passengers already inside it, leaving room for two more. Two men approached it as I did, going the same place. I hollered my destination first and the driver was considering me but I relented and told the two men to take it. I asked the driver to call me another car and then as they left me there in the single digit cold I wanted to slap myself for being an idiot.

Had I just given up my rightful position in the ONLY cab at the station in the middle of the night while I had loads of cash on my person and I was freezing my toes off?! I HAD!!!

Surely I could get no stupider.

Surely.

You would think.

AND YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

I woke up this morning surprised that it had been real, surprised that I was not dead in a gutter somewhere, and I hoped, I really, really prayed hard that God grant me the sense to NEVER do anything like that again.

I waited five minutes and when no second cab turned up I tried to call the company. I still don't know exactly what their hours are because sometimes they answer after midnight, sometimes they answer at 4 am, and sometimes they don't answer at all.

They didn't answer at all and I called several times.

On the verge of a decision to walk the 2 miles home, I saw a car approaching and slowing.

The cabs in Great Neck are black or silver, all the same car model. This car was black, but not the right model and not marked as a taxi anywhere. All of these things registered in my brain and I ignored them.

Honestly, this car was too nice to be a taxi but I didn't even look to see what it was. I was so cold and so tired. I went to the window, which rolled down hesitantly.

The male driver didn't say anything.

I told him my destination, heard the doors unlock, and got in the car.

That's right, I got in an unmarked car with a stranger.

Do you want to hit me right now? Because I do. Mom, if you're reading this, I am totally prepared for the lecture. I will take notes. I will. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT MYSELF.

There was nothing on the inside of the car to suggest he was a cab driver either. Nothing. Just a regular car, with a regular blank dashboard.

Then he told me the fare was $7. It's $5.

Was he just some guy who felt bad that I was standing in the cold at the station and thought he could make a few dollars off it? I guess so. Because he didn't murder me.

I started to tell myself that maybe it was a new taxi and he was charging a bogus late night fare, which some of the real cabbies do. I almost had myself convinced and then he asked me for directions.

He had no idea where I was going.

I gave him directions the whole way and when he turned the car into the driveway I was positive that if he was a taxi driver at all this was his first night, because no drivers have ever pulled into the drive here before. They are usually gone before I even walk up the driveway.

I didn't spend much time berating myself last night.

I was pretty close to crying and I really didn't want to so I took a quick shower and got into bed and played with my phone and then laid there and thanked God repeatedly for a good forty minutes that he had protected me while I did the dumbest, most irresponsible things I have ever done.

I debated sharing this whole episode but I believe I am prepared and in desperate need of the scoldings and warnings and speeches of utmost disapproval that are going to result from spilling every single bean I have in this entry.

So there. It's out there. I AM STUPID.

But I'm reformed, I think. And I don't know that I'll be doing any late night traveling for a while. And I'm definitely not going to EVER get in a taxi that I'm not SURE is a taxi again.

Ever.

I promise, Mom.