MONSTER BABY!

Just to clarify, you have to read the title with a roaring voice, like a monster, because that's how I'm thinking it.

And what I've been calling Monkey all day.

I didn't know until a few hours ago that he woke in the dead of last night and wanted to play. They listened to him talking and playing for well over an hour. So I guess that's what his problem was.

He was screechy and whiny and annoying all today.

And then it was time for Shabbat.

We were hosting tonight, but T's mom was doing most of the cooking. T had a roasting chicken oven-ready and all I had to do was put it in the oven and then, if she didn't get home in time, take it out. That was all.

Her mom showed up this afternoon with several rice and veggie dishes. She set everything on our stove to heat and finish cooking and asked me about the chicken. On our screwy, ancient oven you sort of have to guess what temperature you're really cooking on but I was pretty sure it was on 350 and that the chicken would need about 3 hours.

While she was getting things ready Monkey woke up from his nap and I went to get him. Normally he's very happy to see R and he's ALWAYS happy to see Grandma whenever she's here.

Not today.

I brought him down and he yelled, "NOOOOOO!" the whole way and then when I tried to pass him off to Grandma he got even louder about it. I fed him, if only to keep him quiet for a while.

He "played" with his siblings for a bit and by that I mean that every time one of them was happily entertained with a toy he went over to them and grabbed it and beat them either with it or his fists.

When we got tired of that, I fed him again. It was the only way he was both occupied and quiet.

Later, T did the same thing. We're turning him into an emotional eater.

Anyway, this continued pretty much through the rest of prep time. I took the other two kids upstairs to bathe and get ready for dinner. Monkey had a bath last night so I ditched him with Grandma. I was just getting the other two all finished up when E and T got home. I left them with all three kids and went to play all my turns in Scrabble, a very important part of my day.

T's sister arrived shortly after, right in the middle of another of Monkey's tantrums. The diversion was enough to keep everything calm for another few minutes but you may have heard how obnoxious the cousins are.

Their J quickly tore apart out playroom and between all six kids the entire floor was soon covered in smashed tortilla chips. I brought food for my kids one at a time and R ate SO nicely I wanted to just kiss her.

Instead I sniffed her and tickled her a bit. She's been playing with gingerbread play dough at school a lot lately and even after her bath she smelled delicious.

J ate next and he sat down and ate every bite. He had no accidents all day and I was so happy with him. Then.

I had to chase Monkey to catch him for dinner. He wouldn't sit anywhere and he kept screaming for me to put Diego on. I looked in the list of free OnDemand junk and guess what? NO DIEGO.

I ended up having to hold him and bribe him to eat every bite. T's sister was trying to feed her kids and she asked me if mine were always this bad at dinner. I think she was looking for validation but I said no, because they're not. Fridays are wild though, and half the time we're not home. We eat an hour to two hours later than they are used to, most often serving dinner right when they should be in bed. I've learned to feed them their real dinner around 5 anyway, and then anything they eat at Shabbat dinner is a bonus.

She had no luck with her kids, who continued to fly around the house and ignore her.

I got Monkey force fed, let him go and went to see what the big kids were doing.

Well. That's not exactly what happened. I let him go, collapsed into a chair only to have R and her cousin S run into the room to tell me J, our J, was bothering them. "Boddering."

I went upstairs and retrieved him. He had been warned earlier that if he bugged the girls who would be confined to the playroom. I took him downstairs and was JUST about to let him down after his talking-to when I smelled what had just gone on in his pants.

On our way upstairs I told T and she said to put him to bed. It was 6:30, he had eaten, and if we gave him a timeout he would fall asleep anyway. To bed was the punishment.

He screamed like his was dying the entire time I washed him off. I got him pj'ed and washed and brushed and took him into his room where Daddy was waiting. He told J they were going to make a deal so he didn't have to go to bed right away, but J wouldn't stop crying to hear it.

I took him by both hands, a technique I HIGHLY recommend all parents and sitters use with screaming children, and got down in his face to tell him I had to tell him something but he had to stop crying first.

"I don't want to go to bed!" Was all he had to say.

"Well, crying means you're tired, so if you're not tired and you want to see what Daddy's deal is stop crying and talk with Daddy."

He smiled and wiped his face and said, "Ok Kimmy" and then I left the room.

The deal was that he could come down for the prayer and the blessing of the bread and the wine, but then he had to go to bed. No more playing, since playing is what makes him forget to potty. And also, because he was being punished.

T's mom and E's mom protested right away. I heard concerned, accented moans of sorrow but I left to watch the other kids play in the basement, and by that I mean read my book while they warded off the mean baby.

We stayed down there through dinner. The kids didn't stir from playing until they heard the scrape of chairs above us that signaled dessert time. Then they raced up the stairs, the baby in last place chanting, "coooooookie cooooooookie cooooooookie."

I went into the kitchen because that's where the wine was and started to put dinner things away. T came in to help and her sister followed. They were discussing just how upset the grandmas were. Both had voiced their disapproval of T's methods, her mother-in-law even went so far as to call her abusive. When T defended herself, and then E defended her as well, Mom E went into another room to cry.

T's sister thought T's discipline to be perfect, but couldn't believe how disrespectful she was. I thought it hilariously funny. I don't think T is disrespectful; I think she puts up with a lot of broken boundaries and that this one was one too many. We were whispering about it off and on in the kitchen for the rest of the night. The grandmothers came in to say goodnight and Mom E wouldn't say anything to her son.

They left all upset and then we were able to speak freely in the kitchen. I also had time to tell T that I am still astonished every time I see what those kids can do to a playroom in five minutes.

She is as blown away as I am, and then we stood around wondering why people like her sister see how undisciplined their own children are, and how other people's techniques work and still, the don't try them or anything different.

I'm seeing more and more why there are so many bratty kids in this country.

I did find out that K, the other nanny, is a little bit under the weather but she is looking forward to our plan to go to church together on Sunday. Pray for her if you think of it! I'm so excited!

And this time, I won't forget to call her!