I got a grand total of four hours of sleep before dragging myself out of bed with the promise of seeing my sisters and all the kiddies, including the newest addition to the family, baby Ty.
I had a smooth trip down to PA. I even heard two old men refer to "upstate Pennsylvania" as if it were another world. They were remarking on how the power hardly ever goes out up there in the civilized part of the state.
Not true, old men, not true.
After sufficient eavesdropping and three train rides I made it to Harrisburg and found a taxi. The driver was very eager to learn where this Green Lane Farms place was. He drove me out there as promised to come pick me up in the evening.
"And if you need ride to New York, I am ready." He said.
I tipped well.
The kids greeted me with paintings they had made just for me. I was so happy to see them. It's only been since Christmas but still, I used to live with those punks.
Then I met my baby.
I'm trying to load a picture here but the internet connection on this train is questionable at best, so you won't get to see how perfect he is in all his tiny glory. You'll just have to believe me when I say that all the kids in my family are beautiful and much better looking than yours.
He made a few tiny cries that sound like a puppy squealing but for the most part he is the most laid back newborn I have ever met.
I spent the day showing off a few pictures of my crew from NY and playing with my naughty niece and nephews.
My sister Hannah came over (she goes to college local to Harrisburg) and we made a run for junk food in the snow.
I can’t tell you how happy I am to have snow. It started to fall as my train pulled in this morning and shortly after I reached the house the flakes turned huge and started to stick. It’s a wet snow, which means if it’s sticking around Great Neck I am going to have a blast tomorrow.
At dinner I pulled a Susan (my mom) and dumped half a bottle of salad dressing onto my plate. Mom has done that exact thing, plus committed a number of other food related messes at the Theron and Steph Perez house. I ate my salad soup with Hannah's help.
The day, of course, flew by and I began the trek home with my cabby retrieving me and asking how my day was. We chatted a bit before I began crashing from my sugar intake today and started to nod off. He wished me well at the station and told me to keep his number and call him on my next visit if I needed a taxi.
I tipped ridiculously well and ran to my train.
Here’s where it gets hairy.
While my morning journey was uneventful, it was still with Amtrak and we are not on good terms. In fact, if Amtrak was a family it would the Montagues and I would be the Capulets and I would try to kill them every time we passed in the street. And if my daughter even thought about dating one of them she would be disowned so fast she wouldn’t even know what hit her.
So that’s how I feel about Amtrak.
And on the ride home there is no direct train so I had to leave my brother’s house after only seeing him for twenty minutes so that I could take a train to Philadelphia and then sit there for an hour. It never makes me happy.
I got a decaf coffee (no sugar -- no more sugar!) and sat down near what I hoped would be my gate. It was posted a few minutes later and I was positioned perfectly to be among the first on the train.
At boarding time no one came to open the gate. I started to pace near the gate, annoyed. Then I noticed a posting for New Jersey Transit on the big board.
Whaaaaaaaa?!?!!?!?!?!
All this time I am riding Amtrak, paying an arm and a leg and dealing with all their stupid policies when Transit runs more than half my trip for a tiny fraction of the price?!
I was appalled with myself for not having known this sooner.
Just as I was beginning to plan my release from Amtrak’s communistic regime the gate was opened and a tall, nasty lady told the five of us who had been at the gate first and were nearest the front that the line formed elsewhere and we would have to go to the back of it. She said it once in a scolding tone and pointed to the end of a five mile line. When a man opened his mouth to protest she made one of those interrupting noises you make at a small child who is talking back and wouldn’t listen anymore.
We trooped to the end of the line, cursing her and everything she stood for.
When I reached the front of the line she was complaining about someone rolling over her toes with their suitcase.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
I went down to the track feeling slightly avenged.
And then I got downstairs into the bitter cold where no train was waiting. It was departure time and no train was at the station. Had they sent us down to the track as a joke? Or just so they wouldn’t have to listen to us wondering where our train was?
Either way, color me annoyed.
When the train finally showed up the dining cart stopped directly in front of me and the scores of people who had been allowed in front of me at the gate ran to the coach cars and took all the good seats.
The other suckers and I had to walk through two full cars to find a place and I ended up in a quiet car. I despise quiet cars.
But my only other choice was the café car, which would then close at ten, leaving me forced into the quiet car anyway. I decided to just get quiet and sit down to tell you people about it.
Boycott Amtrak. They are rude.
And don’t let your daughters marry them.
Baby Ty!
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