Self preservation.

Hello Monday night.

It's good to see you.

I'm not usually bogged down by the Mondays but let me tell you how the weekend went.

I woke up Saturday feeling like every ounce of fluid had been drained from my body. I'm sure that's not what actually happened, but that is exactly what I felt like. I pulled on a sweatshirt and went upstairs only to find out that it was almost 9 o'clock and the whole family was in the kitchen already.

Where was my alarm?

Good question.

I got a glass of water and tried to say good morning only to discover my voice had left me in the night. E told me I looked hungover and asked if I had a secret wine stash in my room.

"I wish." I whispered because it was all I could do.

"Go back to bed!" T told me. "We're ok here. Go. Get better."

I didn't have the presence of mind to argue. Or the desire. I drank as much water as I could hold, sprayed saline up my nose, which I loathe because it's nasty and I gag while I picture myself vomiting and actually dying from the stuff. I popped two aspirin for the headache because I'm not one of those masochistic fools who tries to "stick it out for as long as possible." I don't get sick often and when I do I want to feel better NOW. Especially when I get a headache. The more aspirin, the merrier, I say.

When I woke up again I think it was after ten but to be honest, that whole day is pretty fuzzy.

E took the kids to the grocery store, something he likes to do after his recent discovery that women as suckers for daddies taking their kids out alone. People smile at him, give him coupons, advice and their place in line. Adorable, huh?

But when people see a mom alone in the store with her unruly children they glare at her.

Not. Fair.

While they were gone I sat on the couch staring at the blank wall. T put the baby to bed and then went to bed. I nodded off.

Somewhere around three I slurped and wiped the drool off my chin and the leather couch when I heard the door open.

The good news was I was way under my calorie count for the day and the day was half over, the bad news was I still needed moisture in my head. Badly.

I took two more vitamin Cs, bringing my tally to six. That's six days worth of vitamins in one.

I helped put groceries away. I even loaded the dishwasher.

E had brought us all pizza, which is good because my plan for lunch was the vitamin C.

I can't remember where the day went from there, just that I hit the hay pretty early that night.

Sunday was T's last open house in the city so we went to the museum again. It was a lot like last time, except this time the baby went to sleep in the stroller and J kept trying to leave. I had to hold his hand pretty hard to keep him and not make T's nightmare that he'd been lost a reality.

We made it through and tried to go to lunch.

And that is when we realized it was a holiday weekend. Not only were we sorely disappointed when there was NO WHERE to park so we could eat, but it also dawned on us all that the kids were off of school ALL WEEK.

We got pizza and ate in the car, each adult going to their dark place at the realization of what the week to come would be like.

Mine was darkest.

J still wasn't quite well, I still wasn't quite well and the baby was getting a runny nose, so we skipped baths for I think the third night in a row, grilled some dinner and dumped them all into bed.

Today, T was planning to work from home. We gathered in the kitchen this morning to talk over the MONSTER baby's screams. E had graciously reminded her that she had a doctor's appointment this morning.

In the city.

On the holiday.

Good luck, Kimmy.

R had a play date right up the street so we walked to drop her off and then I put the boys to bed. They napped.

I half-heartedly cleaned and tried to find an appetite for anything but tomatoes. It didn't work. I ate salsa, tomato salad, salsa and a tomato sandwich. That's good you say?

Tell that to my heart burn.

T's mom called and in my favorite moment of the day, told me she was bringing dinner. My heart rejoiced as I dug into the salsa again.

No sooner had I finished my lunch than it was time to get R. T's mom came to sit with the boys who were still sleeping, while I walked to get R.

The afternoon got away from me somehow. I'm still not feeling 100% and it is largely because any head cold I get settles at some point on the left side of my head, in the form of an inner ear infection and tooth pain.

Monkey's very voice causes a headache behind my left eye.

I had to put him in his crib today during one particularly violent tantrum when I thought it best he leave my sight for five to ten minutes while he thought it more fitting to scream and spit and eventually throw up.

R shook her head and looked at me.

"Who's baby is that?"

"Not mine!" I said, hauling him off to his room.

He did the puke thing twice today. But his behavior was significantly better after his time out. And I've named my headache The Screaming Baby and the kids know it. When he cries we all scream about getting The Screaming Baby and run away from him. It's the only way.

They ate dinner surprisingly well. Monkey did his second puking act and then I told him to knock it off so he did and finished his chicken. Punk.

Mommy and Daddy got home at the tail end of dinner so I ran to hide and sit down without anyone jumping on me for the first time today. While I was sitting T tried to lighten my load by cleaning up the kitchen a bit.

I heard her ask something about the dishwasher being full and I went into the kitchen yelling, "It's clean! It's clean!"

But alas, she had already stuffed a handful of dirty silverware into the clean.

Gross.

She sorted that out while E mockingly yelled, "T, what are you doing? You are not allowed in Kimmy's kitchen! Why are you even handling anything in here? This is not your room!"

We got the kids ready for bed and then they all went to play so we all hid in the playroom for a while. When the small ones found us, the joke was on them. We put them to bed.

Now they'll learn to leave us alone.

Tomorrow is going to be wild; we have a little girl coming over because her mother has a family emergency. T's mom was supposed to come help out but her husband is sick. T asked me if I'd prefer to go it alone or for Mom E to come over.

"Alone." I didn't even hesitate.

She didn't even flinch. I think she was just asking so that if E says, "Why don't you have my mom come over?" She can say that I'm better on my own and it's fine.

It is fine.

I have aspirin, coffee and children's Benedryl in my emergency first aid kit.

We will be fine.