I had something funny to tell you.

But then the Wifi went down for two days and I really had to wrack my brain to remember what it was.

First (this is not it) I forgot to get paid last week. It dawned on me when I got paid this week that it had been a while. Having a baby really does change everything. I forgot about money!

Kidding.

I've done that before. Here.

So.

Thursday I put the baby's outfit from the bris in a bin to soak because he had thrown up on it. I put it in the left side of the laundry room sink, the one nearest my room. I forgot it was there.

The morning part of the day went away somewhere never to return and I don't even know what we were doing.

E's mom took J for a while and I put Monkey to bed and had some quality nanny and R time.

We went down to the craft table to do something. We weren't sure what because Nanny Kimmy has been having a hard time using her brain lately.

I got out my trusty old box of scrap booking stuff and FINALLY started putting together an album from my second African adventure. The first album was done within a week of returning home. This one has taken me a year and a half to start.

Also, it's been a year and a half since I was in Africa and that knowledge is suffocating me slowly.

I got one page in when I remembered something or other that I needed from a different craft box and I went across the basement to my room to get it.

The left laundry sink was full of water and a feeling of relief swept over me when I saw that the bin the baby's outfit had been soaking in had floated to the top. That meant it was empty.

Right?

And that meant that the sink was just full and that nothing had over--

I have this problem where I flood things.

At the worst times, in the worst ways, I flood things.

I worked in a photo studio for three years and every night when we closed we had to rinse these stupid trays from inside the printer and more nights than not I would just skip it but once in a while they would be genuinely dirty and I would run them back to the chemical sink, turn the water on, do something else and then run back to put it all away.

Well.

One night I did the first three steps and then sat down to count the register.

The phone rang, I don't even know how long later. It was mall security letting me know that my store was leaking.

Into the service hallway. Into the Pacsun below us. That's right. I flooded Pacsun.

I used spare backdrops and a wet vac to clean up. Then I went bowling with everyone from work and casually mentioned how the lab might be a bit damp in the morning.

There have been other incidents.

At home. At other jobs.

Now here.

The sink had already overflowed, and that's why it looked so deceivingly calm. The first cycle's water was on the floor behind the washer and dryer and running all the way behind my garment rack to my rug. The second cycle's water was sitting in the sink.

Blast.

But I really said something much worse. In Farsi. R taught me.

I pulled the baby's outfit out of the drain and remembered how I hadn't actually taken it out and that was why it had still been in the bin which had then overturned and allowed it to clog the sink. It all came back to me then.

I went upstairs and got all the cleaning towels in the house. All of them.

I spent a good fifteen minutes carefully padding the carpet line until no more water could get under it. I moved my shiny new dehumidifier closer to the giant puddle and left so that I wouldn't have to think about it anymore.

Friday slipped past much the same way as Thursday, only someone took both big kids out. They ate lunch with me and then we went outside to play until E's sister came for them.

I was lying in the grass as I often do with J. We snuggle and watch clouds and he tells me ridiculous things and I tickle him.

It was all innocent and adorable and then R landed square on the small of my back with her full weight and a lot of momentum and I felt something horrible in my insides.

My gut reaction was to kill her but something stopped me, probably the crippling pain in my back and it took me a good five minutes to get up. I did yell at her, because she had been told before to stop jumping on people and yet still she paralyzes her babysitter.

I immediately took pain killers.

I haven't had a lot of painful problems outside of my wisdom teeth situation but I don't handle pain well. I can work through it but I dwell on it a lot and I immediately become a pain pill junkie.

I sought out Motrin only because I know T doesn't have any morphine.

I told her I think R did serious damage and she groaned along with me because if my problem is real she has a real problem as well.

Her mom brought us dinner and we had a nice quiet Shabbat with no visitors. It was wonderful. J refused to eat dinner so we just put him to bed and we talked and we laughed all the way through the meal. Then we cleaned up and sent the other two to bed before frantically searching our mostly Passover-compatible kitchen in hopes of finding something delicious.

We didn't so I was forced to make us a cheesecake.

We all stayed up late just so we could refrigerate it for one of the required four hours before we devoured it and passed out. I washed mine down with wine and pain killers and slept pretty well.

This morning I woke up stiff and whimpering like a little girl.

I could hear the kids sneaking into my room to see if I was up yet, which they are not allowed to do before 8:30 when there's no school. And not at all right now because half of my room is still under water.

Ok, that's an exaggeration.

It's damp and stinky and I don't want them anywhere near it.

I hid completely under my covers because in that moment I was re-blaming R for putting me in a wheel chair at such a young age and I really needed to medicate myself before facing the day.

Even through the meds, my back hurts. It just plain hurts and quite frankly, it is worrying me.

E took the big ones to temple and I got some light work done around here. The hardest thing I did all day was mop one floor where something red and sticky had splattered (I'm guessing cranberry juice) all over the wood and after that I was winded and I couldn't bend for a while.

This afternoon we played a little relay game watching the kids play outside. One person would stand there until they started sneezing and sniffling and then we'd trade off.

I went down to check on my swamp during one of my breaks and found the rug almost completely dry. Things aren't so stinky anymore and I was very pleased with the progress until a GIANT spider crawled out from the corner of the rug I had just been touching and I said another Farsi word by accident.

These horrible spiders have been pushing their luck lately. I don't know what happened to mutate them into the monster they have become, but it's gross and I will end it with chemical warfare next week.

As for today, E has been mocking me when I complain about the size and grotesqueness of these spiders. "How big can they be?" He shrugs and laughs all smugly. "What does a spider do anyway? It's not like they bite."

Oh really?!

REALLY?

So last week I explained spider bites to him.

And today I got the clear, hand-held vac and sucked up the little monster and took it outside where he was on allergy patrol and showed him how huge and disgusting the spiders really are.

He apologized, beat it to death with a stick and said he would get traps.

"That is one big spider."

Darn right.

T sympathized with me and then I went back downstairs to spray my bug-killing Windex and put my stuff away.

T's mom brought us dinner again. She made this wonderful Persian yogurt dish which I ate until my stomach literally ached. Someone had eaten all the cheesecake earlier, thank goodness, so I started in on my Easter candy, which only made it this far because they asked me to not eat anything not Passover-kosher on the main floor and I don't eat in the basement because the mutated spiders can smell if you've just eaten like those leeches in the Series of Unfortunate Events.

So, almost everything made it through the week.

But not the bunny. He's gone. Don't even ask me about him.

Tonight I am not medicating or drinking because I need to see how bad this pain is in its natural state and decide what to do about it. I think it's bad because when I was bathing the kids tonight I almost threw up every time I had to bend over the tub. But I don't want to jump to any conclusions yet; there's still a chance it's nothing and that I am just a huge baby.

We'll see.