I just realized a few hours ago that my knees have these little dimples underneath them. I’m always discovering things about myself, like that my hair sometimes looks nice when it’s down but only after eight hours of being up. Or that I don’t just not care for, but I severely dislike plain potato chips.
Severely.
It has also come to my attention over and over and over again that I am not a fish person. I don’t like them. Not in tanks, not in the ocean, not in lakes and not on my plate. You fish people are always shocked and like, aww why? Try fish. Try seafood.
And so I do.
And I just don’t like them.
I was starting to feel all self-conscious about it, like maybe I wasn’t maturing properly because I couldn’t develop taste buds for slimy, mushy “food” that is so unappetizing that the only way fish people can even eat it is if it doesn’t taste like fish. I mean, it’s not even supposed to taste like its name. I can’t wrap my head around this.
And my taste buds aren’t getting on board either.
Anyway, then I remembered that I am not maturing quite normally in any other aspect of my life either, so I got over that end of it.
And then I was watching Psych and Gus doesn’t like fish and so that put to rest any doubts I had about my maturity.
I’d actually like to not mature anymore ever if at all possible, and no matter how the rest of my life goes down, I am done tasting fish. Gus isn’t usually wrong.
I tend to be wrong on occasion, and today it was in thinking that I could leave the doors propped open for any amount of time.
Since E and T were out late last night, I accidentally stayed up very, very late watching TV.
Once they were home and I was in bed, I still didn’t sleep well. This morning everyone slept in, since R wasn’t here anyway and we were all pooped.
When we finally got going around ten o’clock, we got word that R was going to temple so we milked the peace and quiet that comes with her being away and we all watched UP. I’ve been talking it up to everyone and J loves it too so we convinced them to give it a shot.
When R got home, J went out, and then R fell asleep and slept until a birthday party she had to go to.
It was a wonderful day.
We were going to eat leftovers so I went ahead and took the two boys outside to play in the late afternoon. I left the doors all open so that I could hear tiny munchkin if he cried from his swing in the playroom. E was home, but men are useless so I didn’t trust him to tell me if Peanut needed anything.
Was that harsh?
Let me explain.
I have had similar experiences with brothers, male friends, previous male employers and every other male I have ever known.
We were playing outside and all was well with the world and then E came out to play. He got the boys all pumped to play t-ball and then went into the garage to find the tee. He rooted around for a good five minutes in ONE of the NINE drawers where we stash the kids’ sports equipment.
Then he whined, “Where’s the tee?”
Earlier, he napped on the couch between R’s homecoming and R’s leaving for her party. When she had gone (with T) and the baby needed a bottle and Monkey was just waking up from his nap, E was stumbling around the kitchen trying to decide whether he should scratch his wrist or wind his butt.
I say this all with a hint of friendly annoyance and jesting.
Like I said, it’s not just E. Here are some examples from my past of various males displaying their inability to comprehend the simple and obvious. The complex they can handle, some are quite logical and deep thinkers. But I am convinced the term “hiding in plain sight” is in direct reference to everything a man has ever searched for.
Old friend #1: Opens refrigerator. Looks directly at the big, gallon jug of milk. “Hey, do you guys have milk? I can never find it here.”
Old friend #2: Phone rings while I am elbow-deep in cat bath water. Me: “Can you just see who it is? If it’s my mom, pick up. It’ll be funny.” Stunned and scared male: “If it’s not your mom?” “Just leave it.” Me, again, seeing the deer-in-headlights terror on his face: “Nevermind, don’t answer it. Can you just hand it to me?” Stumped and frozen male: …
Brother who knows perfectly well where the popcorn is kept, opened the cabinet too quickly, didn’t see it and gave up all hope: “Can you make me some popcorn?”
So, again, nothing personal here.
But after T got home and we were getting ready to feed the kids we were talking about how unbelievably frustrated we get with E and now J, who has joined the male race in not seeing things or knowing what to do, ever, at an incredibly early age.
Thankfully, I do have T to girl talk with and that makes these things so much easier.
Especially when E came in an hour later and opened the fridge and couldn’t find the bag of spinach that was lying right in the front, middle of the frontest, middlest shelf. A clear bag so you can see the spinach without even trying.
Now back to my faux pas.
The doors.
They were open for a little while during playtime. T got home, E came outside, all that has been said already.
Then we came in for dinner and the baby was still asleep in his swing only now he had a giant mosquito on his tiny little baby head. I scared it off his head and then exacted revenge with a flip flop.
Not my own, as I was explaining to a friend on Wednesday night. I don’t kill bugs with my own belongings unless they are designated for that use only. Or, in emergencies, I will use whatever is handy and then throw it away, marking it dead to me for all time. This usually occurs when a silverfish is present.
Over dinner we discovered at least three more mosquitoes haunting us in the playroom. We killed most of them I think and then walked around telling each other about how the doors couldn’t be propped open anymore.
We’re all covered in fresh bites and now the window sill in the kitchen is crawling with some new breed of tiny black pests that fit through the screen holes.
So we talked for a while about how the kitchen windows have to be closed before dark.
And then E and T went to a movie and I sat down to think about how tomorrow I am spraying bug killer on every inch of the basement and all of the outside windows.
And I think there is still a mosquito in here.
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