Teach me Hawaiian!

I thought about telling you all about Shabbat tonight. And then I was going to mention a conversation I had with T this afternoon that was interesting and a little bit none of my business.

But I am lazy and tired so I decided to copy and paste an email I wrote tonight for my brother and his wife in Hawaii.

Subject: Teach me Hawaiian!

So, are you guys racist against the mainland yet?

I hope so. I am.

Soooooo I thought about calling you a couple of times but the general rule around here is that as soon as I make a call everyone starts crying and/or the doorbell rings and the dog starts barking and THEN everyone starts crying. Mostly I'm the one crying because the only place I can get some solitude during the day is the bathroom so I do a lot of texting whilst huddled in the corner of my shower, sobbing. And even that is iffy because the kids know I am in there and they bang on the door and ask me stupid questions like, "What are you doing?" and "Don't you love us anymore?"

Are you getting a nice mental image here?

Really, my days are quite nice. The kids are all done with school and they are in summer day camp, so I have a few hours every morning to get some cleaning and laundry done. I used to cook or bake then but it has been in the high 90s so instead I crank up the AC and mop the sweat off my face with 30 paper towels. That part is true.

I may have just been in New York too long, but Kristen once said something to me about Botox closing sweat glands and I am seriously considering having my head Botoxed because there is nothing ladylike about a girl whose hair looks like it is wet because it is sweaty.
I repulse myself in the summer time.

Anyway, then all the kids get home from camp and happy time is over and it's just chaos from then until dinner. We go to the pool a lot. The other day the dad of the kids came with us to the pool and I was hanging out in the deep end and he was in the shallow end and no one was watching the kids and the dad found a mysterious brown substance in the pool. So, naturally, he scooped it up with his BARE HANDS and it was, yes, you guessed it, a huge POOH.

So they evacuated the pool and we found the kids in the kiddie pool, which is good, because I guess if we lose them we'll probably get yelled at when we get home.

Our little one is a little over three months old now and his adorable. He talks and coos a lot and he is wearing six and nine month clothes. He also wears a few 12 month outfits because the higher end baby clothes are all sized really stupidly. Ralph Lauren clothes run like eight sizes too small so by the time your baby is born they already are too big for the newborn clothes, unless you have given birth to an actual peanut. And they cost three times as much as any other baby clothing and that's what all the snooty women buy around here for every baby shower. All the kids here have the same four Ralph Lauren outfits. Except my kids. They have handmedowns. And that is why I love this family.

My boss returns everything people give her kids.

I had a church picnic last weekend and I led the games for the kids. It was on a Saturday and the five OPC churches on Long Island were invited so it was huge and there was tons of food from like ten different ethnicities. It was so awesome. And someone made homemade ice cream and someone else brought stuff for smores. And I had the most awesome games ever planned. And, David will remember this, I did a lollipop hunt like Mrs. Cuomo used to do at her house at our church picnics. But the ground was too hard and it was so hot in the sun my "assistants" didn't want to try to "plant" the lollipops like Deanna Cuomo did, so we just threw them all over a field and told the kids to go collect.

But it was a great day.

For the fourth of July I worked and we went to two barbecues. The second one was at a mansion that belongs to a family that is friends with my family here. It was BEAUTIFUL but way too empty. One family is not enough to fill a mansion so I am calling Africa and having some kids sent over. I hope they don't mind. I wrote about it here:  http://snobbynanny.blogspot.com/2012/07/let-me-just-tell-you.html

If you're interested.

So, I got you a baby shower gift, but I didn't do it in time to send with anyone else's package so I have to send it myself and HOPEFULLY I will get it done soon. I am so bad at mailing stuff, but I am super excited for you to get it (for purely selfish reasons you will understand when you get it) and so that is my motivation to send it on Wednesday, before I go to Stroudsburg to visit those people. Then Thursday I am going on a trip with my family here and I get back from that the following Sunday and then that Monday I leave for a missions' trip with my youth group at church. We're going to the Boardwalk Chapel in New Jersey. It's going to be wonderful.

So, how is my little sweet baby niece? Has she said my name yet? What grade is she in again? Andrew got an iTouch and he texts me now. It is SO WEIRD. Why is he so big? I can't believe all these kids just keep growing and then more are born and then they grow too. It's so sad.

How's work David? How's work and home Cami? Are you working? I know you were doing something but I can't remember what because my hair is pulled back too tight and it has cut off all the power in my brain. My clock says it's 9:53 but it has taken over three hours to finish this email because my mother-in-law (my boss's m-i-l has become mine) keeps saying stupid things to me and then she made me help her carry some hideous lamps in from her car and then she bothered me while I was trying to put the kids to bed and then I ate dinner for the second time and also cleaned up some of the dishes and took a shower. It's been a busy email.

I guess I am finally done. I want to know everything! Tell me all of it! If it takes you any less than three hours to write your email back to me, you haven't told me enough. Kisses to my little Catalina! Love you guys!

I hope you enjoyed that. Now stop reading my emails. They're really none of your business.