Ugh. Natalie portman.

So much to tell you. The two middle boys have formed an alliance. It's them against the rest of us. And we are powerless to stop them. J especially, has been coming up with all sorts of new ideas. A few days ago before T got home in the afternoon, E and I were trying to hold down the fort. The fort, however, was smothering us rather quickly and we were tearing around like headless chickens just trying to get the world in order for dinner time. E is no help at all. I actually have an easier time with all four kids when he (or his mother) is not present. But he was here and he was "pitching in" and so he was irritated and befuddled and I was busy and irritated and trying to not to show it because once the kids know there is room to annoy it's all over. So, that was all going on and we lost track of Monkey somewhere. Somewhere. He was there one minute and I was threatening him with a timeout and then the next minute it was suspiciously quiet. "Where's Monkey?" "Uhhh..."Groan. I went upstairs, checked his usual haunts, ran downstairs, checked again, peeked outside, ran through the house again. I had a hunch he was outside but I didn't see any sign of him out any door or window. I went back upstairs while E was looking in the mudroom. One of Monkey's favorite indoor past times is shaking the frog tank. I looked in the closets that the brat has hidden in before. Nothing. About then the two big kids got wind of the search and joined me upstairs. R began calling and looking with me. J stood there eating his popsicle and smiling. The jig was up. "J, where's Monkey?""Where I put him.""Where did you put him?""It's a surprise." Smiling. "If you don't tell me right now I am going to take your popsicle."Smiles. Wicked, evil, evil grins. "Ok, give me the popsicle.""I put him outside!"Ughhhhhh.I told R to tell Daddy and then I ran out and circled the house. The punk was in his pajamas, trying to get in the side door with a number pad and secret code that I'm sure he doesn't know. J served a lengthy timeout; and here's why. That morning he had gone outside alone himself and gotten in trouble. We had a long talk. The morning before that he had gone outside with no adult and taken Monkey with him. I found them in the street. THE STREET. And all three adults were home and on duty. They are sneaky!So smacks and timeouts are now being distributed generously. We're making progress.To alleviate my desire to hurt small children, I took my regular day off in the city with my sister. We got to hang out and just talk and be stupid, something we haven't had time for since adulthood ruined our lives sometime last year. It took me a while to get on board with the whole thing. We went to see The Avengers, the single greatest superhero movie of all time. It was SO MUCH FUN. I mistakenly watched Thor the next night at home and was grossly disappointed at both the shoddy storyline and Natalie Portman's attempt at belonging alongside Thor. What nerve on that girl. Before sister Hannah had to be off to the bus that night though, we stopped by the house because my kids were dying to meet her. They have seen her via Skype while she was in Rwanda and R especially loves to be part of my life outside this house. She loves meeting my family and friends and hearing stories about that other part of my life. She's cute. So Hannah obliged to meet them and even read them bedtimes stories. She got SO into reading Dora with all the Espanol included and accented the right way that she pronounced the word 'pirates' as peer-ah-tays and we both nearly died laughing. The kids looked on, confused but giggling until we recovered. And then we went out to dinner.The days following were pretty normal. Rough, but we managed. Friday, T's sister came with her kids to play after Shabbat dinner. Our kids completely fell apart around 9ish so we hurried them off to bed. I took the big three to the park on Saturday morning, just to get out of the house and get some sun myself. We were having a grand old time, barefoot in the sand, when J decided he had to poop. Twice. Once I'd worked up a sweat running all three kids to and from the restroom, I was done and we called for a ride home. Saturday night I had to work so we rushed through dinner, hauled everyone off to bed and E and T left me with the baby and a sick J. He started running a fever that afternoon and at bed time he still had it. I fed the baby every two hours until around nine when he usually drops off for at least a three hour block. I accidentally watched three episodes of Psych while intermittently checking on the kids and putting the wandering, fevered J back to bed. Around midnight the baby ate and then I tried and tried to sleep but J was up twice more. I gave him Tylenol and dozed for a hour before it was time to feed tiny peanut again. T woke me up a little after 2 and I went to bed. I had Sunday morning off because of Saturday night but as I dropped into bed at 2:30 in the morning it didn't occur to me to set an alarm. I woke up at eleven, confused and frizzy-haired. Why hadn't I showered? Where was my teddy bear? And how did those kids get into the basement playroom without me hearing them?Groan. I brushed my teeth for like twenty minutes and went to see whateveryone was doing. Nothing. I put the blanket out in the yard and laid down in the sun. The kids immediately climbed on top of me. No one jumped, but old age has ruined my back. It's all over for me. It took a good ten minutes for me to get on my feet and walk off the pain. E invited a friend for dinner and went out to buy the makings of a barebecue feast.While I ate four turkey burger sliders, J sat around looking miserable and still stick and T kept offering me wine. I told her I was in no shape to be drinking lest I fall asleep where I sat. I also told her that after spending half the night caring for a newborn I was newly convinced that I am never breeding my own children. I intend to adopt nine year olds.E's friend, D, chimed in that he knew someone who was adopting an 18 year old and how smart he thought that was. Hm. Very wise. Today is stormy with a side of flash flooding so this morning I rolled up the rugs in the basement and waterproofed my room. Bring it. The power has flickered a few times so we're starting a pool for when and how long we think the blackout will take place. Looking forward to it. Baby's crying so I guess I'm done here.